Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
