I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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