I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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