You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
