what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
