Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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