So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
