i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
