I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
