The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
birth control should be required to get into college
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
