We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
