But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
