I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
