It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
