I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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