you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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