I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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