I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
