So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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