i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
