you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
