do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
