Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
