We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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