i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
