It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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