I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
