Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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