I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
