I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
