it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
