My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
