I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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