we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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