hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize