are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just high enough for therapy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My liver is preforming stress tests.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
