I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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