the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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