You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize