his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
