But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
