Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
