she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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