Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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