the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Damn victory sex feels great
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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