we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
