dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize