it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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