so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
