when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
