Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
