The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
