My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
