Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
