after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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