I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
