Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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