i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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