Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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