You're my little dorito
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
