Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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