i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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