i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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