im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
