On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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