I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
