so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
