Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
